The Balance of Giving and Receiving
Its been almost 2 years since my Beloved and I started on a journey of Healing together. After I fired him as a business relationship, and opened my arms to him, I’ve been training him to be a Healer full time ever since. In that time, he’s learned Usui Reiki Level 1 and 2, Kundalini Reiki Level 1 to Master, Jin Shin Do Bodymind Acupressure, Shiatsu Massage, Breathwork, Yoni Massage, many forms of Tantra Healing, and most of all, healing the many layers of a woman! He’s been trained full time in healing I, as a Dakini in practice for nearly 20 years. He’s been a sort of slave to my needs, of every energy that demanded to be released out of me; unraveling the torture of a childhood almost directly parallel to the fairy tale Cinderella, but taken down the rabbit hole to truly heal my family legacy of Royal German Catholics and perfectionist Queens.
They say many Tantrica’s come into the field having had been raped and abused themselves, and in order for them to truly heal the core of their shadows, it takes a profound love and deep commitment of someone who stays by their side to heal every angle of what lay dormant inside them. I found a perfect soul flame who had similar childhood trauma, and together we found a system to transform each other’s pain.
We are writing a book together on healing the core of your partner and beloved, for couples to learn what it takes to truly go to the depths of finding real love and keep it for good. In my native Scottish clan on my fathers side, they call this loyalty and keeping love forever. I believe this is why many Scottish and Irish symbols represent the Celtic symbol of infinity, to signify this loyalty of family and love for eternity; even beyond your current physical incarnation and body.
During the time prior to meeting my Beloved, in being a practitioner nearly 20 years, I learned how to be the most profound empathic Healer to everyone else’s needs, struggles and pains, but had never received the healing I fully needed to unravel my own shadows, darkness, childhood traumas, rapes, past relationships and pattern of giving to those who never wanted to fully receive or knew how to truly love in return. I became a sort of slave to those who tortured me, and desperately wanted to heal them so they could finally give me the love I needed. But it never happened. And, it never will. That is something it can take a lifetime to accept; especially those who are family.
After nearly 2 years of my beloved giving me healing, it created a sort of resignment, frustration and anger in him, and it created in myself feeling dominated, controlled, and treated almost like a doll and anger in myself. The exact same issues of healing feeling dominated started repeating themselves in the man of my dreams when he continued to force healing on me, didn’t feel I was ready to give, nor was ready to receive, and it was a downward spiral of an impasse of a vicious circle.
What we discovered recently is that when a woman receives continuously unable to give in return, she experiences that darkness within her, and seeing her shadow and it becomes her journey of self-healing. However, when the woman is able to give back to her man, and he is open to receiving from her, it creates a balance of the love between the two, and he then feels her profound love for him and she feels his profound love for her. So, the giving and receiving is crucial to create the cycle and dance of harmony between two lovers, beloveds, whether man or woman, and they get to experience all the angles and depths of what each needs for themselves, and what they need for and from their partner as well.
Om Namah Shivaya