Telling the Truth as a Tantra Teacher
As a Tantra Teacher, Love, Intimacy, Relationships, Couples Coach, my intention has always been to be of service to my clients for their relationship struggles and challenges they needed support in. When it comes to your own life, sometimes you are so caught up in your own dealings you can forget your purpose and mission of being there for others. After the last couple weeks, revisiting the Communication distinctions as a Coach, I got really present to what happened that caused the breakdowns with my husband before he got sick and around that time.
We were madly in love, living our best lives, having a life that we never dreamed was possible for around 3 to 4 years. However, I had started losing one family member after another to their death. Grieving the loss of my cat who was my soul mate was the greatest loss I had experienced in a long time. I had never been so close to an animal. I was blown away at how much this impacted me and how sad I was for weeks that turned into a few months.
But then I found out my lifetime and childhood best friend had suddenly passed away. It was another loss that took me off guard, and affected my emotional balance. This again was so devastating, and I had to process all the emotions of that relationship, and the regret that I couldn’t save her.
All the while my husband was watching and witnessing my process. He also had recently lost his father, and watching me was eventually too much for him. Then six months later my father passed away. Again, I did everything I could to save his life, and spend time with him. But because of covid, I wasn’t allowed. None of these incidents died because of covid. It just caused more restrictions with spending time together. That alone was a reason to give my father and the family more pain than we realized because we were not allowed to be together.
The reason I am sharing this is because I saw that Telling the Truth as a Tantra Teacher, Love, Intimacy, Relationships, and Couples Coach and what happened is that after all these deaths, the grief took over, and the old ways of thinking, protecting, controlling, resisting, withholding, hiding, etc took over. We had stopped being in possibility, in joy, celebration and the blissful happy life we had before. I had to go through the grief. Nothing could speed it up.
We had tried working with the Bufo medicine, as part of our Shamanic training, however, this made things worse in the relationship. It helped him to be more detached with my grief, but it put my mind in a different state and I just wanted to be left alone, detached, and have time to process from everything. This caused a huge separation in our relationship and in our love. Instead of returning us to being madly in love and seeing each other for the powerful person we were, we were distant. There was a lot of blaming, shaming, criticism, and judgments that took over.
The only thing that would have really helped was time, and then another family member I was close to passed away. It felt like it wouldn’t stop. I was praying for the grief to end and then all of a sudden my husband contracted an illness after he got vaccinated, and it got worse with each vaccine he received. A year later he was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer, and 4 months later he died. (This was one year and 4 months ago).
After Coaching the Communication Course two weekends ago, I saw where after the deaths in my family, Bufo, and my brother moving in, I became a brat, just really sad all the time, anxious, and difficult for him to be with. I saw how powerful he was and the stand he took for me to become complete, powerful, and successful in the world. He stood for me and encouraged me for years to do Alanon to get complete with my mother. Well, after he got sick, I first did it for him, and since he’s passed away, I haven’t stopped.
I saw how much he loved me, would do anything in the world for me, and from my original stand for him the first few years, he actually became an incredibly powerful man. But after everything that was happening to me, I resisted it and couldn’t see it anymore. His jokes became annoying. His loud and comedic like personality became too much and startled me all the time. My system was just on overload, and I was super sensitive to everything.
Sometimes we don’t see what we’re dealing with, or how we’re behaving to the ones we love the most, until time has passed, and they are no longer around. Sometimes we can’t control how we’re feeling. And we certainly can’t control someone else’s fate or the inevitable journey towards their own passing, as much as we want to try and stop it.
I deeply miss my Beloved. I am grateful for all the gifts and treasures he brought to me. And I will continue his legacy by the books I am writing, the courses I am creating, and passing on all he taught me to my family, those I love and the people who come into my life.
For couples who are struggling, I use all my old and new powerful Tantra skills, my amazing Imago Couples training skills, my Communication Coaching skills, EFT tapping of course, Breathwork, Energy work, Vibrational Therapies, Somatic Stress Release Therapy, tools I created on my own, all my Beloved taught me, and what we created together.
Anything can be worked out in communication, and when we are honest with ourselves, and are honest with others, a whole new world can be created!