Grief and How to Move Forward, Questions to ask yourself:
When you are married to the love of your life, and were really happy, how do you move on when your partner passed away?
How do you know when its the right time to start dating again?
How do you trust someone new without feeling rushed to jump on the wagon again?
How can you open your heart and make life fun, meaningful and joyful again?
The first couple years after your husband (or spouse) passes away is the hardest, and probably the most difficult time of your life. There's no calling him up to process the pain of separation. There's no more light hearted dates, cuddles or hugs to comfort your grief. And there's no more deep discussions of the process of your feelings. To move forward, you have to do it alone now. But there is a whole world of other amazing beings, and you are not alone.
When you are married to the love of your life, and were really happy, how do you move on when your partner passed away?
In reality, you don't want to move on. You had it really good and were really happy. In the surviving partners mind, you don't want to move on. You planned to live a long life together and celebrate your love. You had many more plans that did not get fulfilled.
In order to move forward, you have to do things that make you happy. Some days are good, and days are difficult. The best thing you can do his to be yourself. In time there are more happy days than sad days, and the sad days just remind you that the love is still there. You can still honor him (or her), but you must take care of you first. If honoring him is taking care of you, then do that and don't let anyone else's opinion get in the way of accomplishing your mission. Just keep doing what makes you happy. Thats all that matters!
How do you know when its the right time to start dating again?
When the heaviness of the grief is over, you can attempt to date again (at least 1 year after his passing), but typically it takes as long as you were together to get over him (or her). If you get into something out of sex, it's not going to be a fulfilling relationship. When you get into something based out of friendship and love, it will be more sustaining and last much longer. Your body and heart will tell you when you are ready. If your sex center is craving it, you can attempt to let that lead you, but most likely it will disappoint you. Try letting your heart lead and build a new relationship out of friendship, trust and love and you will soon be very happy again!
How do you trust someone new without feeling rushed to jump on the wagon again?
The best way to trust someone new, is when you honor your own boundaries by voicing them. And when they honor the boundaries you've expressed, you will eventually begin to trust to love again. If someone shows interest, but gets frustrated with you that you're not available every day, or don't call them back immediately, or they want to meet every weekend, that may be too fast paced for you. Know your limits and boundaries and communicate them. If the person you are communicating with or interacting with shows signs of either frustration or assertion and doesn't honor that you are still grieving the love of your life and need to go slow, you can jump off the wagon with that guy, and find someone else that shows much more respect, patience and kindness. There is no rush to get to know someone, and if they want to rush you, they certainly will not be capable of loving you either.
How can you open your heart and make life fun, meaningful and joyful again?
You can open your heart by loving yourself and doing what you need to do to take care of you. Listen to your intuition and follow the guidance that comes to you. If it says to ditch , ditch someone. If it says to get a massage, find someone that is neutral and won't try to get into your pants. Finding a professional or a friend where there is no sexual tension on either end is the best person to work with. Getting a Reiki Session can also be incredibly healing.
Do things that you love! Take yourself out on dates. Hang out with friends of the same sex (or whoever you have the least sexual attraction to). Spend time with family and loved ones. Go to community events, or create them yourself. You might want to go to a concert. It might be time to take up Yoga again, go for walks, or call some old friends and just chat up conversations on the phone. Whatever that makes you happy is all you need to do. Everything else will sort itself out. Grief takes time. It is not a quick take the red pill or the blue pill solution. You will have to just get through it, but don't do it alone. You deserve love! You deserve happiness! And you deserve to find your own joy in your own way! And celebrate you!
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All my Love,
Asttarte
❤️