We're facing a challenging time these days. Many of our loved ones are passing away under our feet, without a lot of time, preparation or warning. In order to fully grieve our loved ones passing, we have to give ourselves the time appropriate to allow ourselves to fully feel all of what we need to feel to allow ourselves to accept the transition and let them go. Before we embark on a new sexual relationship, it is healthy and helpful to let ourselves fully experience and process the pain of the one we loved before. Jumping into anything new too soon, can be damaging to ourselves, our hearts and the new person we may be spending time with.
Often when one has not allowed themself to fully grieve, they will carry their feelings for their former partner into the current relationship. Feelings will get transferred over, and things that were not resolved with the one partner will appear as though it is a current issue when it in fact had to do with the past. Past issues that are incomplete get projected into the present and issues with someone lovely, kind and innocent can get thwarted with the wrong intentions, expectations, judgments or ill feelings that had nothing to do with them.
Also, sexual arousal with someone new may feel wonderful and exciting, but if the old relationship was not fully processed, upsets may happen easily that could have been avoided if the relationship waited a little longer, or it went at a slower pace.
When you had a loved one die, how do you know when you are ready for a new intimate relationship? In many fellowship programs, they recommend a year to grieve after a relationship ended. It may be nice to have a cuddle buddy, but someone to get caught up in energetically can be too overwhelming to someone's nervous system to handle. It's better to go slow, take your time, go within, give yourself time to self reflect, fully grieve and come to peace fully with your life alone before getting involved with someone new.
In the book I wrote Grieving the Shamans Way, I talk in much more depth about this topic. One of the quotes many readers are expressing love for is this:
"Breathe into your heart. Love yourself first. Love you fully. Love yourself fully before you love anyone else. Take all that love you want to feel with others, and love yourself with that love. Every breath you take, breathe into your heart." ~ Asttarte
The book, Grieving the Shamans Way, What I Learned from the Love of my Life Dying, will be available for purchase soon. To receive a pdf copy before it is available on Amazon, send me an email too asttartedeva@gmail.com, and a donation of $25 to @AsttarteDeva on Venmo and I'll be sure to get a copy to you right away.
All my Love,
Asttarte
PS. Still taking votes on the sub-title of the book
Grieving the Shamans Way, What I Learned from the Love of my Life Dying;
On Bufo 5MEO-DMT, Spirit Medicine, Intimacy & Being Our Authentivc Selves
or
Grieving the Shamans Way, What I Learned from the Love of my Life Dying;
On Healing the Shadow Side of a Relationship After Your Greatest Loss
Comment with your Vote, and I'll give you a discount on the copy!